She was alone. She was alone in her thoughts and alone in her life. She had friends; she had a career;
she had a life. Yet she felt alone.
Thoughts would consume her constantly throughout the day. She would so easily lose herself in the
same thoughts that would fast become uncontrollable. Louise would turn against herself, even when
nobody else did.
What had happened to make her so? What had she endured? She had blocked so much of it out, she
no longer felt she had the capacity to think, really think. Ironic really, considering thinking was all she
seemed to do.
Louise’s life felt meaningless. No matter how hard she tried or what she did to contribute to others’
lives, nothing she did ever felt like enough. She would often wonder if this was her fate. Was she destined to feel so? Evidently.
Louise was successful. She worked in The City. She was surrounded by people who she thought were
probably just as successful if not more so. This was untrue. Nobody could work a pitch like Louise
could. Yet Louise couldn’t see it. No matter how hard she tried, she just couldn’t see her own success.
Louise would go in each day, wondering if there was more to life. Surely there had to be? Not to those
around her it seemed. To those around her, life was fulfilling. It was about the money. It was always
about the money. Louise had known this from the get-go. This hadn’t stopped her, but it had hindered
her in ways she couldn’t imagine.
Louise would go into her office each day wearing the mask she pulled out at exactly 8.59am. She
would be greeted by the usual crew: Patricia the good old receptionist, Lionel, the power-hungry idiot
who spent his time sucking up more than was humanly possible, and Ron, the man of nobody’s
dreams.
Patricia was classic. Her warm, cheerful façade masked her quiet, over-inflated ego. It was easy.
Patricia knew what to do, and she knew when to do it. Really, she was a sad little woman with little to
no life outside of the company.
Lionel was young. He looked like a teenager in a suit, fresh out of high school. Louise couldn’t help
but laugh, sometimes out loud. It was inappropriate, yes, but some things just couldn’t be helped.
Lionel spent every waking minute watching the boss, trying desperately to get his attention. Louise
could’ve told him there was no point, but she was amused, and amusement was about the only thing
keeping her going right now.
Good old Ron. Such a nice man, pathetic but nice. Too nice for the ladies unfortunately. He had given
up trying to look for a woman. He’d recently bought his third cat. Ron had been with the company too
many years. His life began and stopped there. He microwaved his food and nearly lost it the day the
one at work stopped working. Enough said here.
Yes, that was the life that Louise led every day at 8.59am.
Louise had been with the company for five years now. The excitement of working for a successful
marketing firm had quickly died down. Yes, she was successful; she earned good money; she was
financially comfortable. Her circumstances would make you think that Louise was happy, yet she
wasn’t. It had taken her a while to admit it to herself. She had spent months, years even in denial.
Relationships were non-existent. Friendships were fading. Home life didn’t have much to offer.
Louise’s two-bed apartment in Islington just wasn’t enough of a reason to keep going.
Louise was efficient. Nobody could deny this, not even Lionel. He would sometimes try to find fault
in her work but had been unsuccessful each and every time. He was so naïve. She was way better at
the game than he could ever be. First rule, get to know the company you work for and no what you
can get away with.
At the last Christmas do, Louise had watched Lionel get completely wasted. She had thought about
warning him of the consequences, but there was just no point. He was too immature to listen. His
behaviour hadn’t gone unnoticed the next day. Lionel had spent months trying to make up for his
shenanigans, as Louise watched on. She almost pitied him. Almost.
Louise now managed a team of seven. The promotion had come up last year, a promotion that should
have made Louise absolutely ecstatic. It certainly turned a few heads. Louise graciously accepted it,
as she so often did, deep down knowing that this wouldn’t do the trick. If she was being honest with
herself, nothing would.
Louise came out of the board meeting that morning, wondering what she was doing there in the first
place. She had fought her way to the top, but she was tired, exhausted even. What was the point in
listening to these fools go on and on each day, when more than half didn’t know what they were even
talking about?
It was the moment she entered her office that made her decide. She just couldn’t do this anymore. She
just couldn’t keep following the same meaningless routine day in day out. Surely she couldn’t just
walk out. She would need to give notice; she was in the middle of a project due in only a week from
now. Surely she couldn’t just give up on her team. They were counting on her. Surely there were a
thousand reasons not to do it. What about her cousin’s wedding in the Caribbean? This was the same
wedding she’d been saving for for the last three months. What about her student debt? She hadn’t
finished paying that one off. Mind you, neither had anyone else. What about her responsibilities?
Louise could think of a hundred reasons, yet that had always been her problem. Maybe it was time to
stop thinking. Maybe it was time to start living. Louise took a deep breath and knocked on her boss’
door.
That was the last time she would ever set foot in the building. The last face she saw was Patricia’s.
Louise smiled and walked away, proud of her greatest achievement yet.