Rachel had been married to David for a long time, almost too long. They had been childhood sweethearts. The usual story – boy meets girl; girl falls for boy; boy asks girl to marry him.
Rachel and David had decided on a small wedding. They were twenty-five at the time. There was no need to make a bigger fuss than necessary. Their dream had always been to travel and see the world. That was what they chose to invest in. They knew once they settled down, it would be game over. So a small wedding it was, with just their favourite peeps and family. Of course, David’s sister, eighteen at the time, wanted to have her friends there. Rachel’s parents also felt it was only right they invite their close friends, and by close, they meant the entire Kent community.
Rachel and David had to put their foot down. It was their wedding, their time. Weddings were always so complicated. This wasn’t what they wanted; this wasn’t their reason for getting married. Anyone else would like it or lump it.
So they got married in a local church, and celebrated in a local pub, just the way they liked it. And this would be the start of a twenty-five year marriage.
‘I need to speak to you, David.’
‘Sorry love. I’m a bit busy right now. Can it wait?’ This was always David’s answer to everything. He had a unique way of avoiding any conversation that needed to be had.
‘When David? We can’t put this on hold for much longer.’ David didn’t respond. He had chosen to avoid communication at this point. ‘Ok, I’ll leave it for now, but I’m not dropping this.’
‘Ok, love.’ So he had heard! Of course he had.
David’s attitude to problems drove Rachel insane. She could never sit down and have a decent conversation with him. He would avoid her at all costs. She knew David better than he knew himself. That was in many ways the problem.
‘I don’t know what to do, Liv. He just won’t listen. He’s avoiding me. I think he knows what’s coming.’
‘It can’t be easy for him, Rache. You know how he is. He’s always had a hard time dealing with things.’
‘I know, and I’m trying to be understanding. I really am. But I just… Sometimes, I want to scream. Even that wouldn’t be enough to wake him up.’
‘I think you’re being a little too hard on him.’
‘Who’s side are you on Liv?’
‘I’m on your side. You know I am. But someone’s got to play devil’s advocate here. You know you’d do the same for me.’
‘I know… I’m sorry. I can be a right grinch sometimes.’
‘Yes, you can, but that’s not the point here. I know it’s frustrating. For so many years, you’ve tried to make the marriage work.’
‘I have. I really have. I guess now the kids have gone off to uni, my life feels empty somehow, and I never thought I’d say this, but I’m having trouble seeing where David fits in.’
‘Are you sure you’re not reading too much into it?’
‘I’d like to think I am, but if I’m honest, I don’t think so.’
‘Look Rachel, I can’t tell you what to do, but twenty-five years of marriage deserves a chance. For the kids’ sake at least. Have you thought about a trial separation? You could take a trip somewhere; try and ‘find yourself’ as they say.’
‘Maybe… Do you know what I want? I want some excitement in my life. I’ve spent the last twenty-five years – as you’ve so kindly reminded me – cooking, cleaning, running around after everyone, holding down a job. Granted, it was part-time, and that was all David’s doing, but you get my drift.’
‘I do Rache, but excitement, really? That’s what you would end your marriage for? Some kind of fling that would never last?’
‘Oh whatever. I know how fond you are of David.’
‘I am, but that’s not the point. I’m fond of you too, remember?’
‘Well, it doesn’t hurt to hear it. Ok, so maybe you’re right. Ending my marriage seems a bit far fetched. Either way, David will listen. He’s got away with his avoidance tactics for far too long!’
‘You’re right there. Be gentle though, ok? He lost his mum only a year ago.’
‘I know… I will be. Thanks, Liv. I love you for this.’
‘Of course you do. See you soon sweetheart.’
Rachel left the bistro feeling ten pounds lighter. It wasn’t going to be an easy road ahead. Liv was right. Rachel couldn’t just turn around and end her marriage, however tempting it seemed. But David needed to start listening. He owed her that at least. Rachel didn’t want to have to give David an ultimatum. If she needed to though, she would.
‘David, are you home?’
‘Oh hi, love. I’m just taking a quick break. I’ve got a meeting in a minute.’
‘David, we need to talk.’
‘Can it wait, love? I can’t be late for this one.’
‘No it can’t wait, David. Not unless you want me to walk out on you here and now.’ Ok, that was a bit harsh. Rachel knew she was being hard on David. He instantly became white as a sheep. ‘You’ve been avoiding me David, and I can’t take it anymore. We’ve been married for twenty-five years and what do we have to show for it? Of course, we have two beautiful children; we have a lovely house. We’ve made a go of our marriage, but the kids are at uni now and it’s just you and me. We hardly talk anymore David; we never go out. Our lives revolve around… Well, that’s just it. What do they revolve around?’
‘I…’ David looked down at the floor. He just couldn’t bring himself to meet his wife’s eyes. She had made her feelings quite clear and he was all but lost for words.
‘See David? There you go again, avoiding me. I can’t stand it anymore David! I’ve been contemplating leaving you for goodness sake!’ Rachel could see David’s emotions were getting the better of him. She both loved and hated him in these moments.
Rachel had fallen for David’s sensitive soul. She’d never met anyone quite like him. He was so caring and had treated her like a princess when they first met. Yet David was an introvert. Rachel didn’t mind. She almost took it as a challenge. How wrong she had been – twenty-five years on and they were right back where they had started, only David hardly spoke to her these days. She knew she was hurting him. She could see it in his eyes, but it felt good. It felt good to be able to get out all this anger and aggression.
‘See, you always do this! You never say a word. I feel like I’m talking to myself half the time. I can’t keep living like this David. I know it’s not fair on you, but neither’s this pretence we’ve so obviously been keeping up.’ What was the point? ‘David, if you don’t say something, anything, right now, I’m walking out. I mean it David!’
David watched on as Rachel turned around and proceeded to walk out the door. He knew she meant business. David knew that he was letting his wife walk away. He also knew that if he let her go now, she wouldn’t come back.
‘Are you having an affair? I wouldn’t blame you if you were.’
‘How can you say that David?’ Rachel stopped in her tracks. ‘Of course I’m not having an affair! Would I be standing here now if I was?’
‘I don’t know. You tell me.’
‘No, David. I’m not having an affair. I’m standing here, pouring my heart out to you, to no avail it seems.’
‘That’s not true Rache. You know how much I love you.’
‘I used to… There was a time when I could hold my head up high, knowing I had you in my corner. I wish I could say the same now.’
‘You can Rache.’ David cautiously edged towards Rachel. ‘You want spontaneity? I’ll give you spontaneity. Forget my meeting. In fact, forget work altogether. Give me an hour and meet me here, in this exact spot.’
‘This isn’t going to fix us, you know?’
‘Just meet me Rache. Wear the same little blue number you wore for our tenth anniversary. It still looks great on you now.’
‘You still remember it?’
‘Of course I do, Rache. I remember every detail, every moment, every memory.’ David stared into Rachel’s dark blue eyes. He was slowly regaining her trust.
‘This isn’t going to fix ud, you know?’ It was a good start.
‘Just go and get ready.’
Liv was right. Twenty-five damn years were worth fighting for. David was trying. In fact, for the first time in a long time, Rachel could comfortably say he was succeeding.